Super-Gluing the Substitute Smother Mother

In response to my roommate's recent need to organize, and the incredible decrease in the size of my personal space, I have taken advice from various sources, and I have determined that the only way to protect my dignity is to take matters into my own hands.

I am going to super-glue all of my belongings into a permanent state in the location they currently occupy. That way, The Roommate will still be able to rearrange however she wants. Her items will be free to roam around the room unlimitedly in the confined space. Too bad the closets and dresser are shared... Otherwise, I would glue one of them down on my side, reinforcing it with a duct-tape bond to all of my other super-glued items. Too bad the only open space on my side is in front of the door. Now, whom do I lock out and whom do I glue in?

Yesterday, to escape the distracting and oppressive atmosphere on campus, I drove down to Mankato, parking myself in my favorite coffee shop for six hours and working diligently until I erased my two-day homework deficit and achieved a one-day advantage. So, doing three days of homework in one sitting, I avoided the unglamorous campus life which so disturbs me and reached a state of extreme productivity. When I returned to campus, spent an hour in the cafeteria, and finally entered the dorm, my roommate *who was on the phone* ignored me. Okay. I can deal with that. It happens with frequency. Then, out of nowhere, she began yelling. "Where were you? I was worried about you! I thought you were dead! Next time, just call or something, okay?"

Yes Mother.

What a shock. I thought she didn't care. Hmm... I guess she does. That could present a problem. I thought that we had a sort of noncommittal and un-confrontational relationship.

I'm sick of dealing with people who are that caring and worried. I am in college. I answer to my report card. If you really care about me that much, call me. My phone works, and it receives text messages too!