A Rollerblader's Rant on Minnesota Roads

First off, let me inform you that Minnesota is part of the Midwest, and the Midwest is nothing but farms, small farms, large farms, communities, and larger communities. There are a few cities, but we don't talk about those. Seriously, what can places like Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis-St. Paul, and Omaha have going for them anyways?

In these small communities, people spend their time... Farming. Or hunting. Or fishing. Or driving semi-trailers around trying to make money and get out of town. Since all the people are either at home, or driving to one of the 5 big cities to get away from home, there isn't a whole lot to do IN the towns. Which means that for a person like me, who doesn't watch TV, or have a car with which to drive to other places, life is rather boring. Even with the addition of eight wheels to the bottom of my feet in the form of Bauer inline skates, no braking mechanisms attached, this hilly town provides little in the way of occupation or entertainment.

Being that the town is located on a hill, one big giant hill that forms one part of the boundary to the Minnesota River Valley, going home is quite exhausting, and going anywhere else is dangerous. Everything being downhill from my ever so humble abode, I skate down the middle of the roads, avoiding the perilous, randomly terminating sidewalks, hoping that each car will conveniently time its arrival at the stop sign as I zoom by, and that there will be no cars in the vicinity of the stop signs I am forced to run at my precarious speed. (How's that for a run-on sentence? he he) The roads, and sidewalks when there are any, are in pitiable condition. I am incapable of understanding how any child can have fun with or desire rollerblades for their own amusement. Minnesota winters are harsh. Snow falls and stays for months on end. Plows go through frequently and trucks sprinkle liberal amounts of sand, gravel, and salt over the roads. By spring, the paved roads resemble county dirt roads and the pavement underneath the gravel is in poor condition. After a few years, the roads are indeed in a deplorable condition. Street sweeping is of no avail. People are more inclined to buy new cars when theirs rust out. Conveniently, the tires and suspension go out at the same time, justifying all the more the purchase of a new Buick. (Though not all Midwesterners are old grannies, they all drive old granny cars.) There are no foreign cars here, so Detroit and its fellow American car conspirators reap in the profit and most likely encourage Midwesterners to sit on the John Deere and in front of the talking box instead of maintaining their roads, disappointing this naive Idiot from a town where roads are paved every five years, and taxpayer money is being spent on a nine year highway improvement plan.

A final thought... How ironic is it that the road most newly paved and in the best condition that I have yet found is outside the city limits?